


Revoltingly Human

by Arriva



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Android GLaDOS, Enemies to Enemies Who Hate Each Other Slightly Less Than Before, F/F, Feral Chell, Gen, Portal Secret Santa, Slightly less feral but still very feral GLaDOS, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, the girls are fighting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:21:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27942176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arriva/pseuds/Arriva
Summary: Sometimes you have to deck the robot who's tried to kill you multiple times.
Relationships: Chell/GLaDOS
Comments: 19
Kudos: 117





	Revoltingly Human

As Chell hurtles thousands of meters down into the bowels of Aperture Science she has two thoughts.

1) She is going to die.

2) If she somehow doesn't die, she is going to kill GLaDOS or die trying.

In her assumedly final moments of life, she has to give Wheatley some credit. Of the two robots who have tried to kill her, his method of literally punching her down a pit is undoubtedly the more successful one. There is no clever way out of this. No surprise panel for Chell to portal herself away. She's just... falling. For a _long_ time too. Chell takes a break from contemplating her imminent death to glance at the meter marker whooshing past her. 4,125 meters. The marker could have just said _IF YOU'RE STILL FALLING,_ _YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!_ and it would have the same effect.

And in her periphery falls GLaDOS. Angry, spiteful, forcibly ejected into an android body GLaDOS. As if Wheatley's betrayal wasn't enough salt in the wound, now Chell gets to spend her final moments with GLaDOS. GLaDOS, who has so generously taken said moments to deride her for her decision to put Wheatley in charge. Of all the people in the world to perish next to, the universe gave her GLaDOS.

She doesn't even get the luxury of dying in solitude.

So she falls. GLaDOS glares at her. Chell has one last moment to consider just reaching over and strangling GLaDOS as one final gesture of spite. Then-

_CRASH!_

The crash through spare planks of wood hits Chell like a freight train.

The crash to the ground beneath hurts so much that Chell passes out.

* * *

And yet.

Chell's eyes crack open.

She is not dead.

And if she is dead, the afterlife looks very much like the cavern she just fell into. She lies on cold dirt, feeling very much entombed below the facility. Bits of the demolished elevator lay haphazardly around her. Small fires burn, lighting the cavern up in orange. A bird flaps excitedly overhead. To be fair, this is probably the most exciting thing it's experienced. And her chest heaves, defiantly, spitefully _alive_. She feels blood on her forehead, but even at four thousand and something meters, the Long Fall Boots did their job. 

She rolls over, only to immediately regret it. Her side aches from where she hit the planks. She's going to bruise. A lot. She staggers to her feet, realizing that her hands are free. Panic floods her senses. She'd lost grip of the portal gun during the fall. Where had the it landed? What if it was broken? She's not going to stay alive very long without it.

"Oh look, you're not dead."

Chell whips her head to the right. 

Of course _she_ survived.

Like a queen over a kingdom of debris, GLaDOS sits perched on a crate. And even though they are the same height and build, she _still_ manages to look down on Chell. "If a roomful of neurotoxin wasn't enough to do you in, I suppose a simple drop wouldn't kill you either."

Her neck is broken.

Chell blinks. No, her neck isn't broken because she's up and talking, but the hinges keeping her head attached to her body are loose. The effect makes it look like GLaDOS has a snapped neck.

Not that GLaDOS seems to care. With a sickening _pop_ , GLaDOS yanks her head back into alignment. She then gives a long, condescending look up and down Chell's body. "Come to think of it, your gratuitous fat reserves must have... _cushioned_ your landing."

Chell's hands curl into fists. The digs at her weight were annoying in the test chambers, but the past hour has been a particularly traumatizing one, and the last thing she needs is to hear more of that. Besides, GLaDOS looks just as terrible as Chell probably does. Like Chell, she's covered in dirt, only on her white skin, the dirt stands out even more. Stray wires stick out of her. Her formerly immaculate white bob is now matted and stained with oil. Most jarring of all, the glowing yellow optic that takes up the right side of her face has a large crack down the middle.

And cradled in her lap like a house pet is the ASHPD. GLaDOS notices Chell staring at it and smirks. "I saved the portal gun. You were too busy flailing like a bug trapped on a windshield to hold on to the device. To think if I hadn't been here, you would have damaged thousands of dollars of equipment. Again."

So the fall didn't make GLaDOS nicer. Chell isn't surprised. Every piece of artificial intelligence Aperture Science touches has an annoying habit of either a) betraying her b) trying to kill her or c) betraying her _and_ trying to kill her.

"So. Any bright ideas?" GLaDOS sets the portal gun aside and stands. "Actually, given your last brilliant idea got us down here, maybe you should let me do the thinking. It doesn't suit you."

Chell's head hurts. And it's not from the fall. Earlier, she could take GLaDOS' petty insults. It was easier in the test chambers where GLaDOS was so far removed from where Chell actually was. But listening to her, less than six feet away, her yellow eyes boring into Chell, the sarcasm and the condescension _grate_ in a way they never have before. It's like this... flick. A flick straight in the middle of her forehead. Once, it's startling. A few times, and it's annoying. But to have it happen constantly, over and over again, her voice dripping with disdain, all the while they're trapped thousands of meters underground with no way of getting back up-

"Are you even listening to me?"

_Flick._

Chell's left eye twitches. This past hour has been the most miserable hour of her time in Aperture Science, and _she_ is not helping.

Of course GLaDOS is oblivious. She saunters past Chell, taking a judgmental look around the cavern. "Oh well. Just keep standing there being useless while I come up with a plan all by myself."

 _Flick_.

"You must be proud of yourself. Your little escape attempt backfired miserably all while the moron that _you_ put in charge continues to destroy my facility-"

A guttural shriek erupts out Chell. Before GLaDOS can react, Chell slams into her and delivers a solid left hook right into her synthetic jaw.

GLaDOS staggers back, clutching her cheek. "You _hit_ me!"

Chell responds by hitting her again, this time on the other side of her face. This time the hinges around her neck loosen again, and something about the _crunch_ of her hardware opens up every ounce of repressed anger Chell's been holding back.

GLaDOS backs away. Her face is a mixture of startled and annoyed. "Really? You're resorting to petty human violence? If you're going to act like this I'm going to give you a stick so you can finally give in to your disgusting human-"

_Flick._

Chell descends on her like a vulture. At first, Chell has the upper hand. She doesn't remember much before Aperture Science, but she has the faintest memory of throwing a few punches at someone who deserved it. GLaDOS undoubtedly deserves it. Chell also has the pent up rage she's accumulated through dozens of tests, and she channels that rage into punching, clawing, and kicking at every part of GLaDOS she can get her grimy human hands on.

"What-" GLaDOS ducks "-in the _hell_ -" Chell's fist connects with her abdomen "-are you- ah!"

Chell's fist hits straight into her optic, and the crack in it splinters even more. This, unfortunately, is when Chell loses advantage. GLaDOS grabs Chell by the wrist and twists her arm behind her back. Before Chell can twist herself free, GLaDOS rams her up against the wall.

They hit the wall in a tangle of flesh and metal. "Are you pleased about your little display of brute strength?" GLaDOS hisses. "Because as tedious as that was, it doesn't take away from the fact that we are stuck down here and _it is all your fault_."

Chell kicks helplessly at GLaDOS' shins, but the only thing it accomplishes is annoying her more. 

GLaDOS leans in close, her face only inches from Chell's. "Go ahead. Struggle all you want. You're not going _anywhere_."

Only then does it dawn on Chell that even though GLaDOS is in a human-like body, her level of strength is still _far_ above that of an average human. The rage she felt earlier exits like water down a drain, and in its place is the horrifying realization that GLaDOS can kill her. Even more horrifying GLaDOS can kill her and look her in the eye while the life leaves her body.

Behind her, GLaDOS laughs, but there is no joy in it. Only bitter, raging _hatred_. "Do you know the one consolation of being stuck in this body is? Hurting you will be so much more personal. I can finally do all the things I've wanted to do to you." GLaDOS twists Chell's wrist, and she cries out in pain. "You're so _very_ breakable."

Chell squirms under GLaDOS' iron grip, but GLaDOS doesn't let go. Her shoulder throbs from the strain of her arm pinned behind her back. GLaDOS body feels warm in a completely wrong way. It's not the warmth of a real human body, but the warmth of a machine that is running- Chell's widen- no, a machine that's _overheating_.

"You think I enjoy being like this?" GLaDOS snarls, her body radiating the heat of an incinerator. "You think I enjoy looking like-" she falters "-like _you!_?"

Her voice cracks on that last word.

And whatever GLaDOS does to her won't top the smug swell of satisfaction Chell feels. Because on a base level, GLaDOS _is_ like Chell now. A version of her stripped of organs and fluids and that little thing called a soul (but did she ever have that to begin with?), but still her. She has to walk like Chell. She has to communicate like Chell. And Chell can feel the outline of GLaDOS' new body pressed against her, feel every curve and even the joints in her fingers gripped around Chell's wrist. The GLaDOS in her chassis was monstrous. She was large and omnipresent. But the GLaDOS in this body is a sick perversion of humanity, a perversion with a few more strengths, yes, but so many more weaknesses than the chassis.

This GLaDOS is revoltingly human. 

And it's exactly what she deserves.

Chell braces herself for whatever GLaDOS has in store for her. But the pain Chell is expecting never comes. Instead, GLaDOS' hand starts to- Chell frowns. Her hand is shaking. In the corner of her eye, Chell sees GLaDOS' entire body is shaking. Her normal eye has gone glassy, unfocused. Suddenly, her grip on Chell loosens then breaks away entirely, followed by a _thud_.

For a moment, Chell stands there, gasping for breath in the unbearable silence of the underground. She waits for GLaDOS to appear behind her and attack, perhaps in some kind of twisted way of toying with her. But no surprise attack comes. So Chell slowly turns around.

GLaDOS lies in the dirt, her optic dim and her limbs bent at angles that would indicate broken bones on a real human. She reminds Chell more of a broken doll. A broken, homicidal doll. What a maniac. And a complete thorn in Chell's side. Chell pokes the side of her body with her foot. No response. Just to be sure, Chell also gives the side of her body a not-so-hesitant kick. Still no movement. 

As much as Chell has fantasized about this exact scenario, GLaDOS can't be dead already. She doesn't deserve such an easy death. And what she said earlier about- what was it- _Wheatley_. Something about him destroying the facility. He can't destroy the facility; Chell is _in_ the facility. 

GLaDOS remains very helpfully lifeless on the floor. Chell wants to scream. But what good would that do? She's never been a fan of talking her problems out, instead taking the approach of doing _something_. _Something_ gets her problems solved. _Something_ keeps her mind from drifting to the worst case scenario. But she can't test GLaDOS into reactivating. And if GLaDOS is really shut down, and there's no one else to run the facility, what can Chell do? Maybe just dig her way back to the surface and run as far away as possible-

Her optic blinks to life.

Chell jumps back with a gasp. 

Slowly, GLaDOS' limbs realign themselves. The faint sound of her processors whirring to life floods relief into Chell's senses. Because yes, she is a complete monster and Chell will happily see her dead someday, but maybe some time when the most incompetent mind in the world hasn't taken over the facility.

Finally, her normal eye opens, and together her optic and her normal eye focus in on Chell. "How long was I out?" Her voice sounds sluggish, like she's woken up from a long sleep. "Actually, don't answer that. Let's just pretend this never happened."

Fine by Chell. The less she has to pretend to care about GLaDOS' well being, the better.

GLaDOS pushes herself up. "I'll be honest. I'm not sure what this body was meant for. But I can tell you it's not well constructed. Too much stress, and I'll shut down."

Chell scoffs. How nice it must be. To just be able to shut down when a situation gets too stressful. Chell can think of dozens of situations, all of which took place thousands of feet above where they're standing, where she would have liked to shut down. Get some shut eye. Rest her mind for five freaking minutes. Then wake up, feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the problem head on.

Must. Be. Nice.

GLaDOS must have noticed the contempt on her face because she glares at Chell. "You won't be thrilled when this happens again. I _will_ shut down, you _will_ have to carry me, and it will _not_ be pleasant for either one of us. Me especially."

Chell visualizes the two of them trudging through a test chamber, Chell grunting miserably with GLaDOS' limp body strapped across her back. No. It would not be pleasant for either one of them. 

"Look. I don't like this. You don't like this," GLaDOS says. "But I wasn't kidding earlier. That little idiot isn't smart enough to open a door; what makes you think he can run an entire facility? We need to get him out, preferably dismantle him into a thousand pieces, and get me back in charge."

And then what? GLaDOS just dumps her right back in the test chambers?

GLaDOS' mouth sets into a hard line. "You want something in return. Of course. Fine. You help me, and I'll let you go."

Chell tilts her head, her way of saying _And why should I believe you?_

GLaDOS isn't even surprised by Chell's wariness. "I'm not lying. This body's voltage capacity is severely limited; I literally do not have the energy to lie to you. Watch." GLaDOS stares straight into Chell's eyes and says in a forced monotone, "Black Mesa is a great company-"

Suddenly, she doubles over. Her body twitches uncontrollably, and sparks fly out of her. When she falls to her knees, Chell fears she'll shut down again. GLaDOS shudders a few more times then stills.

GLaDOS takes a moment to collect herself, but remains on the ground. Attempted lying must take up a lot of processing power. "See?"

And maybe something about GLaDOS literally on her knees before Chell makes Chell give in. Also, it's either this or they sit in this cavern and glare at each other until the facility blows up. In a futile and stupid gesture of cooperation, Chell holds her hand out to GLaDOS. Her way of saying _I'll work with you. I won't like it, but I'll work with you._ The way GLaDOS eyes her hand like it's carrying an infectious disease makes the gesture feel even more futile and stupid. 

But she takes it.

Then Chell pulls her up, and the hand pops off.

GLaDOS falls to the ground yet again with a surprised yelp, and Chell is left holding her disembodied hand. For a second, GLaDOS looks ready to claw at her again. "You little-!" But she stills. Cooperation. That's what they have to do. "I told you. This body isn't well constructed."

She stands, and Chell offers her hand back. GLaDOS grabs it and with some finagling gets the hand back on. It's the closest thing to a truce they're going to get, even though Chell's wrist is still sore from when GLaDOS pinned her up against the wall. They're both covered in dirt. One of them is on the verge of literally falling apart. And Chell still doesn't fully believe that GLaDOS will let her go.

Still, Chell picks up the portal gun. As much as she hates to admit it, having the gun in her hands feels incredibly comforting.

The two of them face the tunnel, the precipice of whatever awaits them in the bowels of Aperture Science. GLaDOS raises her head high. "Let's go get my facility back."

And then maybe they'll kill each other later.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my Portal Secret Santa gift for mozasahan! Also the android GLaDOS in this fic is based on [her amazing fanart](https://mozasahan.tumblr.com/post/189427273088/stalemate). Merry Christmas everyone!!


End file.
